I don't know how to start this post really, it starts, as ever, as an urgent need to write. I think most of the time I write for me, a lot of the time my brain tells me 'no one cares' but I choose to ignore that and carry on because my heart knows that it will reach the right people and touch them in the ways they need.
Writing is part of my releasing process, it helps me to process these energetic shifts but also along the way I write something that may speak to you. A few words that make you feel that you are not alone in this and that you are accepted and loved. This is something that I personally struggle with. I have felt so different all of my life, I put a bubble around myself to protect my heart. I shut out my psychic senses and clairvoyance in my 20s along with a lot of other things. Just through not feeling worthy. My twenties were spent comfortably numb, looking back, I was really lost. I was not loving in the ways I should and not accepting the right love because I myself didn't think I deserved it.
My spiritual path that has been slowly unfolding the past 4 years and has not come without its hard times, traumatic past lives surfacing, inner child work and healing my ancestry line. It's not easy, but its worth it I promise. Going through hard emotional release using crystals, energy work and sound to support me has brought such a beautiful connection to my soul and a deep peace I could not have imagined was possible. I would not trade it for the ignorance.
Being able to see the golden cords and webs around us all, (the morphogenetic field) feeling connected to every living thing around me as I AM every living thing, sensing these things in a whole new way has given me clarity. Its good to always think of the bigger picture, we are just vistor's on this beautiful planet. For me at this point in time its about the connections we make, true soul connections with like minded people, who just light you up and want to walk with you. I am so incredibly thankful for the people I have met along the way.
Sometimes all of this knowledge trickling down to me feels such a big responsibility that I feel I might explode into a million tiny pieces, maybe I should let that happen, then re build myself and my light body- this feeling defiantly began when I did my level 1 sound practitioner course with crystal alchemy singing bowls. I saw a lot of what was going to happen to me before it did. I knew it would be emotional and I knew that I would tone (sing the note's of the bowls) with the crystal bowls. Even though I have not opened my mouth to sing a note properly since I was 12.
Sound can effect people in many different and wonderful ways, it depends on how open you are to it at the time and what you are ready to let surface. I sense and feel sound so acutely that its like it tunnels straight to the root cause within me and highlights it forcing it to rise. Some people fall into a deep sleep, some people feel or see colours and images, other are just still. Some people experience their body shaking (as I do at times) this is either a blockage or your body is trying to fight the healing process, its not accepting it.
The first experience I had of a sound bath was on a retreat in Croatia last year, when Sound Sebastian were playing as the sun was setting, I felt a build up in my sacral chakra, and fought it, my body shaking all over. Then Shamen Durek started to sing and chant and it just hit me, I doubled over with an intensity held that felt like I might explode. it was not pain it was just I heard screams inside me, all of this noise that I was holding that was not mine. I just wanted to scream to let it all out. But I didn't want to kill any ones vibe so I ran away clutching my stomach, people thought I was being sick but I just didn't want to disrupt anyones peaceful experience. I knew that this was big, it was so BIG I felt that if I screamed It would take over me like a banshee and I would not be able to stop crying, shaking and screaming. A woman possessed sprung to mind.
My guides did not let this slide, I felt such a pull to working with sound that I invested in some alchemy singing bowls and booked the course. They knew that these were the best tools for me to heal at this time. Crystal tones bowls infuse crystals and precious metal and minerals with 99% pure clear quartz in intense heat to give each bowl a unique healing property. Combining the properties of the crystal with sound.
My Crystal Tone bowls.
I hear the bowls talk to me and each other, very much like how I perceive crystal energy, they also show me images. They know how they want to be played and used, who wants to go first etc. They have different energies, some have even given me a name they would like to go by. the first bowl I got was a Aqua Aura bowl, I didn't much pay attention to the note at first as I just clicked with this bowl. As I played it I felt its energy surge down my left feminine side, then it brought past lives of Atlantis too me, I saw a huge tidal wave and water engulf me. On a slight side note- there are so many of us around that have a fear of water that comes from the collapse of Atlantis, so if this resonates at all its an area to read about and focus on. Her tone and energy went straight to my throat and then up and out of my higher chakras. I felt her making room inside me, expanding my aura and then puling it close to bind it in light. all of this was in the first moments I played her. it was addictive.
The next bowls I got were an indian Pipe stone bowl, it was chosen and given to me and as they handed it to me I felt its sacredness. He has asked to be called 'Big Bear' which I like because it suits his energy. He's a beautiful peachy colour and made from native indian pipestone. This is a stone that they used to make their clay pipes for ceremonies. So he tells me he is a sacred space holder and that he wants to open ceremonies. When I played him I heard native indian drums and felt my ancestors gathering around me. He holds the set together and likes to be played a lot. This bowl Matches with my turquoise bowl, together they make a binaural beat, which is a sound wave that balances the brain out and sends it to a very deep state of rest very fast. I did not connect as deeply at first with my turquoise bowl, she's very temperamental, did not need much playing and just liked to be given space. I loved her in different ways, but since this weekends course I played her so much I feel so close to her now, She's really working on my throat, and has been wonderful for opening it.
The last bowl I have is called 'Shakti' It came to me I thought at first for my heart, its alchemised with Morganite crystal resonates with the heart and brings a feeling of divine love and compassion. but it wants to work on my womb currently connecting with my 2nd heart centre there. I got a very clear message that this vibration was to heal womb trauma, and to activate and reconnect me to my Shakti kundillini energy. And so far this bowl has taken me on the biggest journey.
I knew this course would be hard and intense but learning to heal myself with sound will help me heal and support others in the same way. And that is what I am here for, so I step aside and welcome all of this.
The first sound bath with Yantara playing was beautiful, When he sings I see light codes gently flowing from his mouth, energetic healing language that is absorbed by us all. There was sacred geometry spinning around everyone's crowns and filtering down. Angels floating around and settling everyones energy field. The room was alive with so much magic.
His voice effects me on the emotional body, I sit and silently weep every time he sings, because his songs filter straight to my heart and give me the love that I need. He truly is an incredible being and I encourage any of you in London to attend his events with equally magical and beautiful Carley Grace.
I met the most wonderful people there who made me feel so held and supported that I felt so safe to express myself- thats so important for me, the trust. I have spoken before about how much I value deep soul 'connections' with new people. It's everything, its the love I need, it gives me the comfort and strength to face these things.
As I played my bowls all through the weekend my personal intentions were for 'Acceptance' as with sound and energy work intention is absolutely everything, you can heal with intention, its that simple. Just to want to heal someone with your whole heart is magic in itself and sends healing light to them. So we set our intentions before we play the bowls, as you do with crystals; you set your intentions of how you would like them to work with you before you even use them.
Acceptance bubbled up from no where for me, obviously something I had been hiding or possibly ignoring for a while. I thought I was pretty happy with myself and this new path.
One of the exercises Yantara asked us to do was to choose a bowl to strike and to sing a note. This terrified me. I used to sing in choirs, had sining lessons and sung on stage as a child, I loved to sing it made me happy. I didn't have much confidence and to be totally honest I'm not the best singer either. I had not sung in front of a group of people since I was little and in general I get terrified in large groups, I go so shy.
When I was 13 year old I got a main part in a school production and I had to solo song about loosing someone that you love.
I lost my father when I was 5 years old in a car accident, having never addressed that trauma, and holding a lot of inner child hurt. Each day in rehearsal I sung that song on stage in front of all the other children in my school and I cried in front of them, all I could think about was my dad. It didn't embarrass me to be in such a vulnerable state, I was in so much pain that I didn't see the people I was singing too, I only saw sadness, deep shades of blue and violet flashing across my eyes.
I think it got so bad that they started to train someone to take my part as it was a big show and got a councillor in to talk to me in a vague way. Somehow I sung it on opening night without crying, I have no idea how, perhaps my dad was there with me supporting me (even though I am clairvoyant I don't often see my dad, spirits only appear when you are emotionally ready in some cases). The day I decided not to sing again after that performance, I decided I did not want to be seen in that way again.
Which leads me to toning with a singing bowl, I was holding it in my hand thinking, I don't think I want to hear my voice again, I associate my singing with my childhood pain. But I took a deep breath and did what Yantara said, I invited the bowl to work with me, I welcomed its energy into my throat to open it.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and a long gentle note came out, and it was loud, it filled the room and bounced around, and it felt SO good. And then another, I opened my eyes and a beautiful shaman lady called Ayda next to me smiled so widely and said, wow you have the voice of an angel. Thats all I needed to hear before I broke down a little bit. It was a very big moment for me, a big personal moment. I sung a few more notes and Yantara came over and gave me a little melody to try. Then I saw my dad, standing behind my left shoulder, I felt his hand there and he said, 'Katie you really should believe this lady, you do have the voice of an angel' and I saw angels looking down smiling and they said, finally you are singing earth side now'
When I open my mouth to sing its not the most beautiful song, its just notes, but they are my notes, from my heart. When I sing I channel healing codes from my home planet, Pegasus and I feel that sense of peace. 4 years ago my father (in spirit) told me that I should start writing because I have a beautiful way with words. I'm not the best writer, but when I write it comes from my heart. And now he tells me that singing in my next step, to sing my heart notes. So we shall see where this leads. Somethings for sure, that I cant stop now, I have opened it up. Singing is how I can get excess energy out, to cleanse myself but also to heal.
As if that was not enough excitement for one weekend, we had to split into groups of three and play together as a pair to one of our group. I was lucky enough to work with my new friend James, (creator of- nature of sounds works) and Anoushka my soul sister (creator of the goddess space) I am so grateful to them for holding me in a healing space where I felt loved. They played for me but as they did my whole body rejected it and shook, I couldn't control it. Then that same pain in the sacral returned that I felt on my retreat. I cried, bent over in pain, had to sit up. I felt my throat buldge and I was encouraged to cough, but all I wanted to do was sing. So I did, and it came out loud, from the gut, it was raw but I think it sounded beautiful. I was very aware of disturbing the group and I was guided by James and Yantara to ground, to tap so I did some EFT, I lay in the child's pose, crying and tapping my heart, feeling held by the earth. When I calmed Yantara took me through some visualisations to heal and release. He asked me to say 'I love myself' and I just couldn't, the words would not come, I had to breathe and try again, again no words... So he changed his angle and connected me to my core and asked me to repeat 'I am the light' and something in me switched, I got some kick ass killer confidence and thought fuck yeah! I am the light - thats ALL I am. So I repeated that back to him. then he asked me again to say 'I love myself' I did, it was hard. But not as hard as what I had to say next. "I accept myself' man those words did not want to come out AT ALL!! and I had been working on that all weekend! I instantly said 'I love myself' without realising that was wrong... or maybe it was my body rejecting that statement and distracting me. Anyway it felt like it took forever of breathing and letting go but I said it.
The last sound bath of the course was by Yantara and I decided after that intense experience I would not lie down Incase anything came up again, I was exhausted. So I sat up and watched. As he sung I grabbed a pen and channeled activating light codes. These are healing codes, energetic healing language I got from his voice. It was a special moment, and the start of my journey with sound healing, integrating my voice and my healing codes from my home star. All I kept hearing in my head was... 'A New Day'
If you feel drawn to working with sound and singing bowls I wholeheartedly encourage you too. Put it out there to the universe that you would love a bowl and see the wonderful ways in which one will manifest itself. Who knows what doors it may open for you too. And if you come to one of my sound baths maybe one day I will have the courage to sing some notes from the heart.
